Faceless Beauty
by Mikaze
Summary: Rosalie’s reflection on all the events that occurred before and after Edward and Bella’s safe return home from facing death. Written in Rosalie’s POV.


Disclaimer: No doubt the wonderful books of Twilight and New Moon belong to the amazingly talented Stephenie Meyer. We bow to thee.

**Faceless Beauty**  
_By: Mikaze_

I didn't understand what I was doing here.

It was utterly foolish; I knew that. I couldn't face anybody; not Emmett, not Carlisle, not Alice, not even _Esme_. Pure, loving, nurturing Esme, the one who understood most of all; if I couldn't face _her_, who could I face? My mind whispered back the same response I'd dreaded for these three terrible days.

_No one_.

I didn't want to see anyone; I didn't even want to see _me._ That was far too much of a change, but it seemed even my vanity was repulsed by me. I couldn't shake myself of it. I'd condemned by own brother to his own death. And for what? For my own selfishness, for my own desire for peace. I was so quick to pick up that phone and give him the news of that girl's death just so that he could come home to us. Because I missed him. Because I loved him. Because I wanted things to be _normal_.

It was a fruitless attempt from the start, I should have known that. A normal life for vampires? It's laughable. The derisive chuckle had almost escaped me, but my body wouldn't allow it to come out, so it was stuck inside me, nestled just beside the guilt that had grown ineffably bigger by the seconds. I would have confined myself in my room for these past few days, wallowing, were it not for fact that I knew, out there, somewhere in Italy, my brother was trying to kill himself. That was the only reason why I chose to become as active as I was; even the guilt couldn't shadow the need to bring Edward back safely.

And then I saw him arrive at the airport, his arms around the girl whom he loved, looking as exhausted as a vampire could ever really be, and finally the need evaporated and the monstrous guilt tore up inside me. That resentful face that he had flung my way; God, I wanted to do as those silly myths depicted and shrivel up under the sun. I couldn't even explain myself to him. He wouldn't hear me.

And then, she forgave me.

The girl who loved my brother so, the girl who had wanted nothing but his happiness, the girl who had flung herself in the faces of the most dangerous vampires on the _earth_ just to save him. It was ironic; the woman who had constructed the path for Edward's demise meeting face to face with the girl who veered him from that fate. The girl who had so quickly and so effortlessly become the centre of our family for the past two years. _She_ had suddenly stolen all the possible attention from all six members of our family, and had been rewarded with love and compassion.

Bella.

I had hated that name for so long. _She_ had robbed me of all the normalcy I had craved since my changing, everything that I _wanted_ so bad, she already acquired. A pulse, a complexion (of sorts), a stable diet, _mortality_. Lord, everyone knew how badly I wanted to return to becoming a human. There was _no one_ who craved it more than I did, not even Edward, for all of his hesitancy.

I guess there was no real reason to hate the girl so much to begin with. I suppose, if I was _completely_ honest with myself, I was already jealous of every other girl in the school who had blood running through their veins. It's ridiculous, really, to be jealous of so many people at the same time, when I knew how enviously they looked at my body, my beauty. It was simply unfortunate that _she_ had to be human _and_ become so close to our family, the people I treasured most in this entire world. But I would give it all back, I knew, if for the one chance to become what I once was and never will be again.

And the irony; she wanted to become one of us! Of all the bizarre, twisted desires this human girl could possibly possess, she longed for the endless nights and just as everlasting mornings. I had nearly knocked the table over when she asked for our vote on the subject. It was simply absurd! How could _anyone_ wish to become such a monster, to have every other creature's life in the palm of their hands and have to subside that impulse? It was aggravating! It was illogical! The only comfort I had was knowing that Edward, at least, felt even more opposed to the idea. Though I had hated Bella from the depths of my un-existing soul for the shortest time, I didn't _ever_ want to have a part in sentencing someone to the same life I lived for the past century or so.

But that's not to say I at all blame Carlisle. I could never possibly do something like that to man with all the best intentions in the world. And, were it not for the fact that Carlisle _did_ save me, I could not, in turn, save Emmett and later fallen in love with him, and for that I am most thankful. Because the only reason I _did_ accept this fate was because of him. I shudder to think what would have become of me if I hadn't found him or if he wasn't by my side for all eternity.

But now he wasn't here, and for once (perhaps, rather, not once) I was thankful for that. I had tried to escape loneliness for so long with Emmett's hand holding onto mine, but at this moment I treasured nothing more than for the solitude and the silence that met my unhearing ears. Because perhaps it was time to do something on my own. Perhaps I should find another meaning to myself besides my insignificant beauty; for all it was worth, it couldn't save Edward, nor anyone else in my family were I put in that same position. Edward had gone on countless journeys to reflect; maybe it was my time to do so too.

And so, before this mangled corpse, its blood staining my hands and the corners of my lips, my lipstick having long gone been replaced by a new shade of scarlet, I sobbed invisible tears. I sobbed for my family, I sobbed for Edward's love, I sobbed for Bella's decision, I sobbed for my husband Emmett and I sobbed for the new loneliness I would experience from this day forward. But I knew that my decision was set in stone because I knew that I must.

Because perhaps, if I came back, I could be a person who could look at the mirror and see something other than a pretty face with bleeding red eyes.

**A/N:** HM. Well. This little precious indeed came out of nowhere. I was actually planning on having my other Twilight fanfic be the first post of 2007, but after having surfed a little on Stephenie Meyer's website and reviewed some parts on New Moon, I felt this overwhelming _urge_ to defend Rosalie. Jealousy is a key trigger to all emotions, in my personal opinion, and I feel that's why I can relate to her most easily. It's probably not perfect, it's probably downright _wrong_, but this is my interpretation and I feel it's justified, so why not? I'm becoming less and less interested with Edward and Bella and more so just agonizingly waiting for Rosalie and Jasper's story (not as a pairing, mind). The fact that Edward has everything; good looks, charm, intelligence, an incredible knack for _both _sports and music, and to top it all off, the most love out of everyone in his family (because Mrs. Meyer did say that Edward was especially loved by both Esme and Carlisle) is starting to rub me the wrong way. And I understand that _all _of this is completely justified, being that he has been with them the longest and has had years and years of education to acquire all this knowledge. Still. I've always felt a little more sympathy for the secondary characters who are portrayed in a bad light but so CLEARLY have their own heart-wrenching and interesting story.

As for what was revealed at the end, that's open for interpretation. It was all done really fast and I don't think I edited and read it as much as necessary; it was like one of those exercises where you just blurt out everything you've got inside you and don't stop until you see the end. I'm not quite sure whether I'll actually continue with this idea or leave it as is. I guess I'll just see from the reaction I get, good or bad. ;)

To sum all of my feeling up; props to Rosalie.


End file.
